El engaño | Cheating

— This post was originally written in Spanish.  Scroll down for the English translation! —

En la edición del verano 2013 de la revista Cosmopolitan for Latinas, hay un artículo de media-página en el cual unas mujeres cuentan de cómo sus aventuras con otras personas han mejorado sus noviazgos.

La verdad es que estoy un poco decepcionada de Cosmo por publicar ésto, ya que me parece que en vez de hablar sobre la fuerza feminina, la belleza, las relaciones, etc. con este artículo están justificando y quizás fomentando el engaño.

Como una güerita quien ha trabajado con muchos hombres latinos, y además quien ha sido varias veces separada de su hombre por miles de millas durante meses, he estado en situaciones en las cuales habría facilmente podido engañarle.   Yo comprendo completamente la atracción al cuerpo humano, a la aventura, al misterio, a la fantasía, y a la exploración personal.   Sin embargo, yo nunca le he salido infiel a mi pareja, y tampoco pienso hacerlo.

Yo creo que las relaciones pueden ser mucho más sencillas si somos honestos.  Con mis novios anteriores, con mi esposo, y conmigo misma, mi regla siempre ha sido lo siguiente: si uno de los dos tiene tantas ganas de estar con otra persona fuera de la relación (que sea con citas, conversación íntima, besos, o más), uno tiene la responsabilidad de hablar con su pareja sobre el asunto y hasta terminar la relación.  Disfruto mucho de la confianza que me tiene Aron, y creo que él también se merece mi confianza.  No creo que sean muchos los matrimonios exitosos en los cuales existe el engaño de cualquier forma.  Personalmente, prefiero no perder mi tiempo con un hombre que no me respeta.  Aúnque yo ame a un hombre con todo mi corazón, de la manera que amo a mi esposo, prefiero dejarle buscar su felicidad sin mí si es lo que él realmente necesita.  Igualmente, yo podría seguir con mi vida porque yo sí me quiero mucho a mí misma también.

Entiendo muy bien que todos nos equivocamos en varios niveles por toda la vida, pero no se encuentra la pareja indicada todos los días, y vale mucho la pena cuidar de lo que uno ya tiene.  No quiero decir que simplemente hay que aguantar una relación, pero me pregunto, ¿por qué comprometerse a alguien si no se dedica a verdaderamente respetar y amar a dicha persona?

——————– English translation: ——————–

In the Summer 2013 edition of the magazine Cosmopolitan for Latinas, there is a half-page article in which some women tell how their flings have improved their relationships.

The truth is I’m a little disappointed in Cosmo for posting this, because I think that instead of talking about feminine strength, beauty, relationships, etc., with this article they are justifying, and perhaps encouraging, cheating.

As a little güera who has worked with many Latino men, and also who has been separated from her man a number of times, by thousands of miles over a duration of months, I’ve been in situations which I would have easily been able to cheat on him.  I fully understand the attraction to the human body, the adventure, the mystery, the fantasy, and personal exploration.  However, I’ve never cheated on my partner, nor do I intend to do so.

I believe that relationships can be much easier if we’re honest.  With my previous boyfriends, with my husband, and myself, my rule has always been this: if one person desires so much to be with another person outside the relationship (in the way of dates, intimate discussion, kisses, or more) , one has the responsibility to talk to his/her partner about it and perhaps even to end the relationship.  I enjoy the fact that Aron trusts in me, and I believe that he also deserves my trust in him.  I don’t think there are many successful marriages in which deceit of any kind exists.  Personally, I prefer not to waste my time with a man who does not respect me.  Even if I love a man with all my heart, the way I love my husband, I prefer to let him pursue happiness without me if he really needs it.  Similarly, I could go on with my life because I do love myself also.

I fully understand that everyone makes mistakes at various levels throughout life, but you don’t find a good partner every day, and it is well worth taking care of what you have.  I do not mean that you should just have to just tolerate a relationship, but I wonder, why commit to someone if you are not dedicated to truly respecting and loving that person?

9 thoughts on “El engaño | Cheating

  1. I agree with you 1000% on everything written. Cheating is by far the ultimate betrayal, and I agree that if people were honest, life would be much better for everyone. I’m not sure why it is so easy for people to cheat – it is such a common thing, yet one that is so disastrous to so many people involved.
    I always believed that the agreement my husband and I made to each other – if we ever decided we wanted to be with someone else or explore alternate options we would let the other know – was a real one. But now I realize that his end was just words that sounded nice. It is by far, one of the worst feelings ever.
    I continue to work towards moving forward, moving on, letting go and learning to love myself more than another person. Thank you for sharing this!

    • I think one of the things that concerns me is that, like many things in life, doing something once often makes it easier to do again. If I were to cheat once (knowing myself), I would probably be more able/willing to cheat again. So I focus on what I love about our relationship, and pour my heart into the loving part. All the little bothersome things only stick around for a limited time…

      Infinity, you are doing a rockin’ job at staying in touch with your emotions and building up your feelings for yourself. Keep up the nice work, and always remember to keep your head up.

      Saludos!
      Güera

      • With days where I doubt and wonder so much I thank you for your encouraging words. You don’t know how much they mean to me!
        I believe people do make mistakes but I don’t think the average person who cheats made a mistake. It is a thin line.😦

  2. I used to be a bit slutty in my university days, and I did cheat on a long-term boyfriend. He had cheated on me and I took him back. I wholeheartedly regret it (both the taking back and the cheating), neither of them at the time were The One, but at the time it was partly revenge, partly looking for attention. I’d never do it now, but I think in a weird way it made me better prepared for The One, I appreciate everything we have together and would never, ever do that to my Mexican. I needed to do it at the time, I was young and betrayed, with low self-esteem. Now I’m maturer and in a happy period in my life, I’m not going to throw that away for a drunken snog.

    • Thank you for your response, Katherine! In my university days, I did and said plenty of things I would not repeat now. You touched on a very important point there, and I can relate; low self-esteem and immaturity drove a lot of my impulsive behaviors back then, but today I am a much happier person in general, partly because I have grown up and started to love who I am.

      Aside from your own example, would you consider cheating excusable under any other circumstances? I notice that the Cosmo article mentioned boyfriends, not spouses, and I am curious as to whether or not their views differ depending on level of commitment…

  3. Hola!
    Antes que nada soy mexicano y me parece curiosa su obsevaciòn, aunque creo que el artìculo de la revista solo es para fomentar màs la brecha cultural y los estereotipos erròneos. Yo como esposo de una americana ,puedo notar que los problemas viene màs en la forma de comunicarnos (còdigos y formulismo sociales) que en si las emociones que sentimos, Yo antes era de la misma idea de la revista acerca de las chicas americanas(liberales e infieles), pero mi estancia en su paìs me hizo darme cuenta que son igual que cualquier persona, solo que sus còdigo y forma de querer ,pedir y expresarse son distintas.. Pero en el fondo aman, celan ,odian y disfrutan igual.

    • Creo que Ud. tiene razón al asunto de la diferencia entre los códigos en nuestra cultura y los de otras, y no lo había pensado tanto. Es cierto que con frecuencia nuestra forma de expresarnos causa confusión, ofensa, atracción, risa, u otra reacción distinta de lo esperado. Muchísimas gracias por compartir su punto de vista, Victor.

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